I don't know if you've found a strange phenomenon。
The lively children of the day become sensitive and vulnerable when they lie in bed at night。
Small things tear down and keep talking to adults, and many precious mothers fall asleep every day and become exhausted。
Many parents consider sleeping as a housework that has to be performed。
In haste, the child sleeps with his eyes closed and looks forward to early release, with a quiet time of his own。
We often ignore it。
The quiet time before bedtime is the most precious window for raising children。
The person who's with the child in bed is emotional, patient, speaking。
One drop at a time, slowly sank to the bottom of the child's innermost body, affecting his personality and human identity for decades to come。
Day-time children are in a state of externality。
Play, attend classes, and spend time with one's peers, with the intention of concealing emotions, learning to understand and to be patient。
When the night falls, quiet around and all the armour is removed。
There is nothing left to show about the frustration, the loneliness, the fear。
This period of company is more than just lying around。
It's the perfect time to enter the child's heart and to keep the sense of security。
One: it's safe for a child to feel uneasy at night, to sleep with him. Source
For children, darkness itself carries unknown fear。
The shadow of the tree moving out the window, the sound of the quiet room。
It's just that i don't know what to do。
If every night, waiting for him is gentle waiting。
Squeeze his back, slow down his whispers and accommodate all his unsettling little emotions。
The children build their faith in daily peace。
Even if it's dark around, i don't have to be afraid, someone loves me, i'm safe enough。
It's the bottom of a million nights. It's subconscious。
Growing up under pressure and valleys, they are not easy to deplete and do not overplease others。
Frustrations do not easily collapse, with internal stability。
In turn, we look at another routine。
Many families have a tense pre-sleep atmosphere。
Parents are busy during the day and are tired at night。
It's a rush, it's agitated, it's a mobile phone。
Even by sleeping quietly, the children's mistakes during the day are counted。
The child sleeps with depression, frustration and fear。
In the long run, the night is bound to the negative。
The children are slowly becoming timid and vulnerable to panic and anxiety。
There is a constant lack of a sense of truth and a high risk of loss and loss。
It's a practice
1. Set a quiet process before bedtime and turn off television, short video and games half an hour in advance。
Intimidation makes children nervous and emotional。
2. Put down the mobile phone and leave 10 to 20 minutes of exclusive escort time。
There is no need to be generalistic, and physical comfort is more useful than teaching。
Touch your hands, slap your back, hug your arms, and ask your questions。
3. The fear of accepting children should not be sarcastic about “too little guts”。
Don't force the child to overcome fear and be emotional。
One simple word: mom knows you're a little scared when it gets dark, and i'm with you。
Pre-sleep security training to avoid pits
Don't scare a child with darkness and ghosts。
Don't be accompanied and complain about life。
Don't let the child interrupt and stop talking as soon as he or she is upset。
Ii. No judgment before bedtime is the most important way to keep parents and children connected
The day-to-day parent-child communication is mostly organized around practical matters。
Writing, packing toys, following rules and correcting shortcomings。
The dialogue was full of demands, accusations, comparisons and preaching。
The child is in a state of constant stress and instinctive preparedness to speak more deeply。
Only when lying on the bed ready to sleep, without a mission, without a test, without fear of criticism。
It's the kids who want to drop their guard and say what's hidden in their hearts。
Little things on campus, conflicts with small partners, confusion and distress。
Many parents missed this rare communication window。
The children are happy to talk about things, and parents are tired and tired, while they rush to reason。
Until the child is finished, the problem is immediately identified, education begins and correction begins。
A few times later, the child understood that talking would only lead to accusations。
Keep your mouth shut and don't want to open your heart to your parents。
By the time adolescence sought to understand the children's thoughts, it was discovered that there was no conversation。
It's a practice
1. The first rule of talking before sleeping is to listen, not to judge, not to rush ideas。
Just listen to the child's full expression and hold back the urge to teach immediately。
Even if the child is premature, don't deny it first。
2. Respond more in a communicative manner and less in a rhetorical manner。
You can say: i see. No wonder you're not feeling well。
Try to avoid the "you're wrong" kind of questioning。
3. Five minutes of “discretion time” are reserved for each day。
There is no need to look into the subject, so that children can freely share the little things that are happy or sad that day。
In order to stay the course, children become accustomed to having their first thoughts with their parents。
Communication hole avoidance reminder
Let's put an end to bedtime repetitions and to all day's mistakes in bed。
Don't compare your children horizontally with others, and don't take advantage of shortcomings。
Don't let the kids talk about their troubles, take their heads off and keep their eyes on the screen。
Iii. The emotional state of the parents will be passed quietly to the sleeping children to shape stability
Many parents felt that the children would not be affected without shouting loudly。
The child's ability to sense emotions is far beyond our imagination。
The fatigue, depression, irritation that adults hide cannot be kept from the children。
Also lying in bed with two different children in two states。
If the companion's heart is calm, his voice is soft, his mind is calm。
The children's nerves are relaxed, their sleep is calm and their emotions are milder。
If the accompanying person is anxious, has a tight schedule, continues to sigh and speaks with negative energy。
Even if there was no fire, the depressed airfield would cover the room。
Long periods of immersion in a depressed pre-slept atmosphere tend to be sensitive and emotional。
It is very difficult to have a stable and peaceful mind when a little bit of it is violent and low。
That is the truth of upbringing。
Family education has never been deliberately inculcated in much of the larger sense。
Parents' emotional stability is the best gift to their children。
It's a practice
1. If he/she is tired and in a bad mood that day, he/she first communicates with his/her child briefly and frankly。
You can tell the kids that mom's a little tired and in a bad mood today, but i still love you。
Don't be forced to be accompanied by anger, and depressed negative feelings will continue to be transmitted。
2. Avoid family quarrels to the extent possible before sleeping, and refrain from complaining about trivialities and accusations in the bedroom。
The bedroom is left for relaxation, tenderness and accommodation, not for emotional battlegrounds。
3. Accompaniment does not have to be long, and quality is far better than time-consuming。
In a matter of 10 minutes, focus, peace and commitment have been far better。
Emotion avoidance alert
Don't let all the pressure accumulated during the day go to sleep。
And don't go out with the kids while you're at it。
So as to avoid being sidelined with impatience, while being sidelined in the bed, thinking is completely absent。
Iv. Sleeping together is not the same as waiting all night
A number of parents are trapped in a childcare error zone。
To be safe enough, it is necessary to stay with the children all night, without separate beds。
Indeed, there is no automatic link between high-quality bedtime company and whether or not to sleep in bed all night。
As children grow older, they need to develop a sense of independence and learn to sleep alone。
We can gradually lead to separate beds and rooms, but the warm ceremony before we go to sleep cannot be lost。
Young children can read a small piece of drawing, touch softly, chat short and say good night。
Children entering primary school do not need to wait long。
A few words of daily school life before bedtime, a warm word of encouragement, is enough to provide psychological support。
Even at puberty, children appear to be alienating from their parents and eager for space for independence。
A simple note of concern, a quiet moment of company still warms his heart。
The form of company can change with age。
But the feeling of being held hostage, accepted and treated with kindness must continue。
It's a practice
1. The separation of beds is gradual and does not result in sudden and forced isolation, resulting in a psychological breakdown of the child。
Start with the sub-crop, then move to the sub-bed, then move to the sub-room and stretch the adaptation cycle。
2. The construction of a permanent good night service for the family。
Fixed order: washing - brief chats - soft reading - hugging goodbyes and creating stable habits。
Regular rituals bring certainty to the child and greater peace of mind。
3. The child shall not be completely cut off from bedtime communication after sleeping independently。
Every day, a brief and easy dialogue is set aside to keep emotional links to prevent parent-child relationships from developing。
Growing up to avoid pit alerts
Don't be afraid to split the bed and think that sleeping apart is insecure。
In order to develop independence, it is not necessary to be deliberately silent and to reject the emotional needs of children before they fall asleep。
Don't use the term “none to stick” to attack the desire of children to be close to their parents。
Day education, teaching children rules, habits and survival skills。
The gentle company of the night, the nurturing of the heart and the building of a strong inner world for children。
Sleeping is never a boring task。
It is a silent psychological nurturing。
And in the night there is a gentle word, and there is a quiet wait。
It won't be on the test papers, it won't be seen。
But it's a hard armor for a child's whole life。
No matter how far the future goes, no matter how much wind and rain。
There is always a warm harbour in the heart and the power to heal itself。
This paper is intended for personal family education experience, sharing of parenting concepts and communication with the general public. Each child has a different personality, growing up environment, family circumstances, and is only taught for information purposes and does not constitute a recommendation for professional parenting or psychological care for children。
