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Many people, when faced with their hearts, are caught in self-doubt. A man's heart gives him a good feeling, but he keeps wondering: "do you like me?" is it just me? A lot of people would think that most of the people who liked it were the one who wanted it, most of them had no feelings for themselves。
But in reality, a lot of observational and psychological studies of interpersonal interaction have revealed an interesting phenomenon: when you like someone from your heart, the probability of the other person being attracted is much higher than that of the average person. It's not that if you like each other, they'll love you, but it's that your feelings will be passed on, and it'll affect each other's feelings for you。
Many people regard this phenomenon as a fate or a sixth sense, but it is not the genre behind it, but the psychological pattern. Today, leaving aside the romantic chicken soup on the internet, breaking down the three psychological patterns in white and white and telling each other how a good feeling is passed on, will make it clear objectively how a border is crossed, avoid any miscalculation and misperception of courtesy. After reading it, you can distinguish between positive signals and the bottom logic of attraction。
I. The two-way transmission of affection: the principle of reciprocity, and people's sense of goodwill
The first rule, the principle of human reciprocity. Simply put, there will be a balance in people living with each other, and others will release goodwill to us, and we would have wanted to give back the same goodwill. This goodwill, including eyes, tone, attitude, and unwitting appreciation。
You can't hide when you really like someone. When you look at each other, you relax, you look softer, you listen carefully to each other, you remember the little things that each other has said, and you treat each other more tolerantly. These minor changes may not be felt by yourself, but the other side can feel them。
A very common example. You're very fond of a new colleague, and you smile when you meet him, and you listen carefully when he talks, and you're willing to help him share a little. After receiving your friendship, the other side will not be indifferent, and most of the time will be free to greet you with kindness and offer to talk to you. As soon as we get back and forth, the feelings of both sides grow。
It is important to distinguish between the principle of reciprocity and good faith, which does not amount to love. Your kindness, your passion, your courtesy, your upbringing, is not meant to give you the love of love. A lot of people stepped on the pit right here: they read each other's polite feedback, and then they got the wrong idea。
If your preferences are oppressive, often intruding, overtly poking into privacy, it is not goodwill, but pressure. In such cases, the principle of reciprocity would not come into effect and the other party would be gradually alienated. So the premise that you can trigger a two-way flow of affection is that your appreciation is moderate and border-based。
Put it in your feelings. When you appreciate a person and express it in a comfortable way, it's easier to see your strengths. People like to be recognized, appreciated, sincerely liked, are in themselves a wonderful experience. So, under the same conditions, a person who knows you appreciate him is more likely to have feelings for you than a stranger who doesn't remember you。
Exposure: the more you look at each other, the easier they look at you
Second rule, exposure effect. Psychological exposure means that people are more likely to have a good feeling about people or things that often appear in their own eyes. Repeated and harmless contact enhances familiarity, which is the basis for it。
When you like someone, you don't know how to increase the chance to interact with each other. You'll keep an eye on each other's dynamics, create a reasonable chance of meeting, and be willing to talk when you talk. In this process, you're getting more frequent in each other's lives. As long as your presence does not bore the other party, as the number of meetings increases, the other party's feelings of your unfamiliarity slowly disappear and become familiar。
For example, when you go to school, you like one of your classmates, you don't feel like you're looking at each other, and group events are part of a group. You're much more impressed than a classmate who doesn't talk much or interact much. It's easier to find the flashes on each other when they're familiar。
But there is a crucial premise for exposure: the initial impression must not be too bad. If you don't remember each other well for the first time, it doesn't make you feel good, it makes you feel bad. In addition, intruding and intruding is not a benign exposure. The presence of such a high frequency can only create resentment and completely contradict the bottom logic of exposure。
Many people misperceived the exposure effect and thought that as long as it appeared, they could impress each other. That's not true. A virtuous exposure is natural encounter, reasonable communication, and a sense of proportionality. The frequent disruption without borders is counterproductive。
Good senses are created by a sense of familiarity combined with a positive feeling. The effect of exposure is to bring it closer, but it is also necessary to see whether two people have a three-dimensional vision, character and feeling。
Iii. Emotional synchronization: your emotions are contagious, your heart is contagious
Third rule, emotional synchronization effect. When people communicate with each other in close proximity, emotions, expressions, body language are not consciously imitated and synchronized. When you're with someone you like, your emotions are relaxed, and they pass on to each other。
You talk to someone who's moving, you don't know what to say, you talk easy, and the whole person is positive. When you talk to each other, they'll be driven by this light atmosphere, and they'll be happy to relax. People are conscious to remember this comfort and to tie this happy experience to the person before them. To put it simply: having fun with you, it's gonna be nice to you。
We can compare the two scenarios. First, you talk to people who are happy and like, relax, and everything is easy; second, you're so low, you're afraid to say the wrong thing, you're nervous and depressed. In the second state, anxiety is passed on to each other, and it's hard to get emotional when you get along。
Emotional synchronization, essentially emotional transmission. Happiness is contagious, stress is contagious, depression is contagious. This explains why some people are not in bad shape, but it is always depressing and difficult to develop feelings. It is not hard hardware, but rather negative emotions that make it difficult to relax。
But the same is true of emotions. It's possible the other side felt relaxed with you, just because you were a good friend doesn't mean you're in love. Emotional comfort, the basis of affection, is not equal to love。
Iv. Key reminders: three patterns are only probabilities, not inevitable outcomes
After these three psychological patterns, one of the biggest errors must be clear: "i like the other, and the other probably likes me," and the "prevalence" here is just an increase in probability, not an inevitable double movement. This conclusion should not be taken as the sole criterion for judging each other's intentions。
After reading it, many people become self-obsessed and interpret all ordinary behaviors of the other side as a hobby. A few easily confused signals are listed here to distinguish between “grateful” “friendliness” and “moment”。
It's polite, but it's not necessarily like:
Respond to the news, speak politely; meet and say hello; help when you ask for help; listen carefully. Many of these people do it to ordinary friends and colleagues, just being friendly and not being moved。
More favourable, moving signals:
Proactive creation of an opportunity to be alone with you; active sharing of your daily trifles and thoughts; concern for your emotions and heed for your preferences; willingness to give you a free hand, rather than merely respond to your enthusiasm; and, when you are free to talk to you, not every conversation is a one-sided conversation。
There is also a situation where the personality of the other side is itself outward-looking and proactive towards all. This can't judge each other by their passion alone. A comparison should be made between the attitudes of the other side towards others. If only he was special to you, he would be more likely to enjoy it; if he was equally passionate to all, it was only by nature。
At the same time, one-way preferences should be viewed objectively. There's a lot of one-way motion in life. Even if you release your kindness and keep your borders, it's possible that the other side has no love for you. Emotion itself cannot be demanded. Psychological patterns can only explain how attraction occurs and cannot force anyone to fall in love. If the other party clearly demonstrates evasiveness and indignity, do not convince himself repeatedly that “he must like me” and learn to stop the damage in time。
V. How to use the three regulations, natural contact, no iraq, no cross
If you like a person and want to increase the possibility of a two-way move, you can refer to the following approach, respect each other's borders and do not put pressure on the other。
First, there is no rush to express a moderate appreciation. You don't have to say i like you. You can be honest with each other at the right time. For example, the other side does one thing, honestly exaggerates his abilities, remembers his little preferences. The release of goodwill in a natural way triggers human reciprocity. But instead of exaggerating and flattering, it would be less attractive。
Second, creating a virtuous exposure to nature is not intruding. Finding common scenarios, such as joint work projects, interest activities, and increasing opportunities for reasonable encounters. Each time, it is easy and brief and does not take time from the other. If the other party clearly evades, contact is reduced and no sense of presence is forced。
Thirdly, to adjust your emotional state and ease your relationship. When you're with each other, try to be calm and not suffer. The more nervous and afraid of mistakes, the easier it is to transmit depression. It is easier to create a comfortable atmosphere and trigger emotional synchronization by communicating as a friend。
Fourth, observe each other's feedback and adjust the rhythm in a timely manner. All interactions are subject to feedback. If you take the initiative to talk, the other side always responds briefly and rarely takes the initiative to start the topic, indicating that the other side is not interested, so slow down and do not continue to invest. Feelings move in both directions, and not one-sided efforts can。
Vi. Distinguishing two mentalities: two-way positive expectations and self-momentation illusions
A lot of people go into filter mode when they're moving. Automatically glossing each other while subjectively filling the story of two people. The unwitting words and actions of the other side are constantly being magnified and interpreted to build a feeling that only you know. It's not a two-way feeling in psychology, it's a self-fantasia。
The simplest way to distinguish between illusions and real two-way preferences is to see action, not feelings。
Unilateral fantasies: you're the only one who's come to see each other, you've been reading each other, and they're rarely coming closer to you。
A two-way feeling: both sides will be willing to initiate exchanges, to spend time with each other, to care about each other's feelings and to come closer to each other。
Like this, can't hide, can't guess. Rather than constantly speculating about each other's intentions, it would be easier to live with each other while maintaining their borders and to see the real feedback of each other's actions。
The best thing in a relationship is that two people are naturally attracted to each other. You appreciate each other, you're into each other, you're close. It is not one-sided speculation and internalization. Psychological patterns help us understand the attraction, but in the end, the two people will be able to come together, depending on the character, the trilogy, the reality。
At the end
You're probably the same person who likes you, and behind them are the principles of reciprocity, exposure, emotional synchronization and the three psychological patterns that work. Your kindness, your presence, your relaxed emotions will quietly affect each other's feelings for you and raise the possibility of a two-way move。
But it's a probability, not a definitive outcome. It's not just this theory that blinds us and mistook courtesy for love. A good feeling is always premised on respect for borders and on real action by the other side. If the other side is also close to you, it is possible to move on; if the other side does not respond, it is to protect itself in dignity。
Attraction can be compromised, but love cannot be forced. Reading these patterns is not about using a set of paths to impress others, but about understanding the emotional flow between people and reducing emotional self-infliction。
Topical discussion
Have you ever experienced that when you're into someone, you find each other to you? Do you think the two-way attraction is more emotional or coincidence? Welcome to the comment section to share their comments, their attention, and their continuous sharing of ground-based psycho-emotional goods
