Hello, everyone。
I don't know if you've ever seen a person in a crowd who talks comfortably, and that's the way you feel. This is when you can't help but wonder if they're interested in themselves. The first reaction of many would feel that it was only their own will and one-sided initiative. However, psychological studies have found that the person you like, without obvious exclusion, is equally fond of you. This is not a mere self-fantasy. There are three well-established psychological patterns behind it。
To be clear, this conclusion does not mean that, as long as you move, two people will be able to be together. It describes the predisposition of human preferences, not a 100 per cent prophecy. If the other party itself clearly demonstrates aversion, then the rule below does not apply. We are talking about two people living together without hostility。
I. Principle of reciprocity in interpersonal attraction: a mutual exchange of signals
The principle of human reciprocity, in short, is a two-way movement of human emotions. We could have liked those who liked us。
When you have a good feeling about a person, your mind, your movement, your way of speaking changes quietly. You'll be willing to look into each other's eyes, listen to each other patiently, not smile in your own eyes, and be willing to share your little things with each other. These subtle physical and linguistic signals are felt by the other side。
When people feel that others are releasing themselves in good faith, they produce a feedback instinct. A sense of appreciation and attention creates a sense of pleasure, which in turn makes it easier to create a feeling of favour for those who release goodwill. For example, two of our colleagues in the company, a, takes the initiative to greet each time he sees b, listens carefully to b, feels respected and is slowly willing to approach a. It's the same thing to put a man's and a woman's affection。
Many people would be mistaken for a one-way shock of love at first sight. Most of the good feelings in reality are passed on to each other. You release your appreciation, when the other side receives it, your mind relaxes, your guard is reduced, and your strengths are more readily visible。
But there's an easy error zone. The principle of reciprocity doesn't mean that you give your life, you give your best, and the other side likes you. The bottomless benevolence conveys not equal appreciation, but low expectations. The real positive signal is equality: you appreciate each other, while remaining self-sufficient, not one thing. Only the goodwill of reciprocity will trigger the attraction of reciprocity; the favour of imbalance will lead to distance。
Another point is that there are boundaries to reciprocity. If the other side itself is closed, or if there is no idea to start a relationship at the moment, it will not produce the same emotion, even if it is felt to be in your liking. This rule applies only to cases where two people can communicate normally without excluding each other。
Exposure: the more paying attention, the easier to attract each other
The exposure effect, also known as the multi-vision effect, is the repeatedly validated psychological conclusion that the more we get in contact with one person, the easier it is to have positive feelings. This is provided that the first meeting is not repugnant。
When you like someone, you don't automatically increase contact with each other. They're making an occasional encounter, they're talking to each other, and they're watching each other. This process, you keep showing up in each other's lives. As long as you don't hate each other for the first time, it'll reduce each other's feelings for you. Strangers are easily prepared and familiar with them。
A lot of people here understand wrong, and exposure is not the same as frequent disturbance. If you don't break the word over and over and over again, you change from being familiar with it to being intrusive, and the exposure becomes counterproductive and annoying. Effective exposure is moderate and measured. For example, normal docking at work, natural communication at parties, occasional short sharing, no pressure on each other。
In other words, if you're always unconscious about someone, you're often unconscious about each other, and you're actually aware of your eyes. People are constantly being looked at in a gentle way, and people are conscious to look at those who look at themselves, and in the process of looking at you, they become familiar with you. As soon as two people appear in each other's eyes, there's roots in the feeling。
This explains what's common in life: many couples, who started out as ordinary classmates or colleagues, had no one to look at, had more opportunities to get along, and slowly developed a sense of mutual affection. It's not the heart move that comes out of empty space, it's the exposure that works quietly。
The projection effect: you appreciate the quality of each other, and often the place where they can see you
The projection effect, in short, the flash points that we see in others are, in many cases, the qualities that we own or aspire to. You'll be attracted to such qualities, people who have them, and it's easier to notice you。
When you like someone, you see each other being gentle, funny, sincere and steady. The fact that you recognize and appreciate these qualities means that you value them yourself and even have similar advantages. People in social life are attracted to people with similar values and qualities。
For example, a man who is gentle and understanding can easily appreciate a man who is generous. And it is easier for a generous person to find the tenderness and kindness of others when he/she lives with them. That is to say, you can see the good in each other, which means that the aesthetics and standards at the bottom of your body are similar, and the good in each other is easier to capture。
A lot of people get caught in the wrong spot and think that i like each other, that they're better than me, and i don't deserve it. But the projection reminds us that two people who can appreciate each other are often the same at the spiritual level. You appreciate each other's qualities, and it's a point of convergence。
Of course there are traps for the projection effect. Sometimes we project the qualities that we imagine on each other, idealize each other and fall in love with the image that we imagine, not the real person. This situation, even if it starts out with a sense of mutual interest, can become a source of tension when deeply connected, fantasies are broken. So it's just the starting point, and then it's about knowing each other's true character, not getting stuck in their imagination。
Read the rules. Don't judge blindly
After all these psychological patterns, we still have to look at it rationally. I guess i like you, too. It's not necessarily like you。
These three patterns explain the bottom logic of the ease with which a feeling can flow in two directions, rather than the formula that can be applied directly. In a few cases, even if you're interested in someone else, you're not. The first is that there is no intention of falling in love at this stage, even if it is good for you, and it does not grow into a hobby; the second is that there is a wide gap between the core needs of the two and the perception of life, and that short-term preferences are difficult to sustain; and the third is that the other is just polite and polite, which is not like a heart attack, and that many people misread the goodwill of others as a hobby。
You want to know if the other party is just polite or really nice to you, and you don't have to guess. Will the other party take the initiative to open the subject, rather than waiting for you to speak forever; be willing to share its own private affairs, rather than just on the surface; be willing to take the time to respond to you rather than to respond over a long period of time; be relaxed when meeting, be willing to look at you and not shy away. These are more detailed than unilateral conjectures。
The most useful thing to know about these psychologys is not to make you sure you like each other, but to help you adjust your mind. Many people, when moved, are prone to self-inflictedness, and have repeatedly wondered whether “i am alone”, afraid of taking the initiative and then being rejected. Knowledge of a two-way tendency to be positive reduces unnecessary inferiority。
At the same time, it reminds us that the basis for a sense of affection is equality. There is no need to flatter or try too much. It's natural for you to show yourself, to be measured, to be normal. If the other side had the same affection, it would be natural for the two to come closer; if the other side did not have the same heart, a decent exit would not be your failure. Heart move is a precious experience。
The attraction between people has never been one-sided. It is easier for you to reap the appreciation of others when you are willing to appreciate them and release them with kindness and kindness. Emotions cannot be imposed, but being sincere and proportionate is always the best option in human interaction。
Topical discussion
Have you ever met someone who's moved and found out that they actually like their own experiences? Do you think it's a two-way thing, more fate, or is it the same quality between two people? Messages in the comment area are welcome to share your views and concerns and to share practical psychological knowledge in interpersonal interactions on an ongoing basis。
